Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Born-Again Boogie -- by Richard C. Speaks

He was a video prophet
And he was living a lie
Preaching moral outrage
And cruising whores on the sly

He hid his secret shame
behind his crusade on porn
Always the first to cast stones
And call for God's wrathful scorn

He bilked his gullible sheep
with afterlife extortion
Declared guerrilla war
on civil rights & abortion

Bible schools bare his name
Sheep-shearing taught for a fee
For pious fraud is an art
And everything is tax-free!

It's such a shame God's not real
And there's no Judgement Day
Too bad he'll never face Jesus
just to hear Him say:

"You've used My Gospel for gain!
Abused My good Name for power!
The widow's mite made you rich
But now you whimper & cower!

"You've wept with selfish deceit
And prostituted My story!
You've deluded My flock
to buy your pretense of glory!

"Vain fraud, I know you not!
Viper! Begone from Me!
Go join the rest of your ilk
who work iniquity!

"I've prepared a special place for you
Deep in the bowels of hell!
Full of screaming, gnashing teeth!
A place that suits you well!"


Saturday, March 13, 2010

Christian Zombies? WTF? -- by Richard C. Speaks

..."the dead are raised to life"....

JC was convinced that he was living in the end-times. He was well versed in the apocalyptic writings that promised the coming of the Messiah, and many other wondrous and terrible things. He believed that the dead would one day be returned to life, because it was written long ago.

Twenty centuries later believers are still eagerly awaiting the end of reality.

By claiming that he had the power of resurrection, and other magic, JC was passing himself off as a messianic prophet. The supernatural heir to the heavenly throne of David and Solomon. The once and future ruler of God's earthly kingdom. Jerusalem. That's what JC was really after,

All he had to do was make a name for himself, so he took his magic act on the road, With JTB dead, many bumpkins were desperate to find somebody new to follow around.

King Herod had heard about him, since by now his name was well known. Some were saying, "JTB has risen from the dead, and that is why miraculous powers are at work in him." Others said, "He is Elijah," others again, "He is a prophet, like the prophets we used to have." But when Herod heard this he said, "This is John whose head I cut off. He has risen from the dead."
MARK 6:14-16

This is how rumors turn into religions.

I think JC was orchestrating events ahead of time to make his magic work. He was always coming into town just in time to pull off a miracle. This is suspicious. Here's a fine example:

And when Jesus saw that a crowd was gathering, he rebuked the unclean spirit. "Deaf and dumb spirit," he said, "I command you: come out of him and never enter him again." Then it threw the boy into violent convulsions and came out shouting, and the boy lay there so like a corpse that most of them said, "He is dead." But Jesus took him by the hand and helped him up, and he was able to stand.
MARK 9:25-27

See how eager the crowd was to pronounce the lad a goner? How can we trust these witnesses? Consider the following fishy miracle:

It happened that soon afterwards he went to a town called Nain, accompanied by his disciples and a great number of people. Now when he was near the gate of the town there was a dead man being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a considerable number of the townspeople was with her. When the Lord saw her he felt sorry for her and he said to her, "Don't cry." Then he went up and touched the bier and the bearers stood still, and he said, "Young man, I tell you: get up." And the dead man sat up and began to talk and Jesus gave him to his mother.
LUKE 7:11-15

I am not impressed. This miracle could have easily been hoaxed. An ancient con-job. See ELMER GANTRY, or Steve Martin's LEAP OF FAITH sometime.

When Jesus reached the officials house and saw the flute-players, with the crowd making a commotion, he said, "Get out of here. The little girl is not dead. She is asleep." And they ridiculed him. But when the people had been turned out he went inside and took her by the hand; and she stood up. And the news of this spread all round the countryside.
MATTHEW 9:23-26 (MK. 5:35-43, LK. 8:40-56)

Not to mention the raising of Lazarus; found only in the eleventh chapter of JOHN. All of these stories could have been staged, considering the gullibility of his followers.

Now consider the following:

And going into Peter's house Jesus found Peter's mother-in-law in bed and feverish. He touched her hand and the fever left her, and she got up and began to serve him. That evening they brought him many who were possessed by devils. He drove out the spirits with a command and cured all who were sick.
MATTHEW 8:14-16 (MK. 1:29-31, LK. 4:38,39)

So far so good. JC can handle everything thrown at him. He has proven his mastery over life and death to everybody. Now consider the following:

Another man, one of the disciples, said to him, "Lord, let me go and bury my father first." But Jesus said, "Follow mw, and leave the dead to bury their dead."
MATTHEW 8:21, 22 (LK. 9:59,60)

WTF? Jesus can raise the dead, even after several days, as in the tale of Lazarus, but he doesn't offer to do likewise as a favor to one of his trusted disciples? This stinks to high heaven, folks. Maybe JC wasn't able to do anything for the old guy because he was really dead, and not a plant.

What is JC saying about leaving the dead to bury their dead? It sounds pretty cold to me. Is he saying that this unnamed disciple's family are the dead left to bury his dead dad? Why are they dead to him? WTF? Sounds like a cult to me.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

As A Child -- by Richard C. Speaks

I dreamed of Heaven as a child
I was up on cloud nine
The magic kingdom in the sky
where everything is divine

There was a band of angels
There was an orgasmic choir
There was a very long line
of sinners doomed to hellfire

What if I died before waking
without my mind brightly bleached?
With so much doubt in my heart
Perfection out of my reach

I dreaded Heaven as a child
Sunday service that never ends
Stuck with the same hypocrites
And none of my friends


Friday, November 20, 2009

Birth Of An Infidel -- by Richard C. Speaks

They say their truth
will set me free
But all they've done
is lie to me

They say they're out
to save my soul
But what they want
is mind control

They claim their aim
is peace and love
And the worship of
their god above

These things they say
don't make much sense
How about a little

They say I'm damned
for questioning their truth
I'm weak-willed and wrong
for seeking proof

Only sheep believe in Heaven
And I'm a free-thinking man
I think their truth isn't true
It's a lie and a scam


Friday, November 6, 2009

THE TRUTH -- by Richard C. Speaks

Here's another
messiah to sell
And here's some lies
for him to tell
Another nauseating mountain
of shit to smell
A new and terrifying
vision of hell

I love love
And I hate hate
I believe in free will
instead of fate
This world is in
a sorry state
Let's make things right
before it's too late

Stop winging wishes
at the empty air
There's no one there
to hear your prayers
We're all alone
And life's unfair
Your problems are
your cross to bare

Respect and love
are the way to go
If we're to survive
we need to grow
The truth is something
we already know
No one needs
to tell us so


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

GOD, The Almighty Abortionist -- by Richard C. Speaks

The Bible and the anti-abortion movement go hand-in-hand. This makes no sense, and never ceases to disgust and amuse me when I see all of those fanatics holding their Bibles up high, as if that legitimized their meddling in other people's business. It's so ridiculous and sad. The Bible is not fetus-friendly, folks. The pro-life (anti-choice) movement have been touting the wrong book!

The Bible is jam-packed with atrocities against women and children. All of these crimes were committed by God, or by so-called men of God, who claimed to be following God's orders. The Bible is full of divinely-sanctioned cruelty, bigotry, incest, slavery, homicide, genocide, and infanticide. The Bible isn't pro-life, and I can prove it. Consider the mythical flood of Noah.

Yahweh regretted having made human beings on earth and was grieved at heart. And Yahweh said, 'I shall rid the surface of the earth of the human beings whom I created.'

God decided to throw the baby out with the bath water, because of all the pagan naughtiness that was going on back then. Countless human beings were drowned like rats. Even the innocent children and unborn babies! What a mega-abortion! God must have already known they would grow up to be sinners, had they been permitted to live.

After forty days and nights the flood waters finally receded, and the ark came to rest on Mount Ararat. Then all of the animals exited the ark, climbed down the mountain, and made their ways back to their native habitats. When it was finally over Noah really needed a drink, or twenty. So he whipped up some wine, got stinking drunk, and ended up passing out in his tent without any clothes on.

His son, Ham, was unfortunate enough to glimpse his father in the nude. He went and told his brothers about it, and they covered Noah's nakedness with a blanket, taking great care to avert their eyes the whole time. The next day the old man woke up with a terrible hang over, and an ugly temperament.

When Noah learned that Ham had seen him in the buff he was so pissed off about it that he cursed Ham's son, Canaan, and all of his yet to be born descendants. Poor Canaan didn't even get to peek at his grandpa's wrinkled, stanky old ass! What a bummer! This undeserved, multi-generational hoodoo became the justification the Hebrew's used to explain away their genocidal campaign against the pagan Canaanites, and for stealing the Holy Land from them. Does that suck, or what?

When Abraham heard that God intended to annihilate the citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah, for all of their pagan naughtiness, Abe pleaded for their right-to-life with the Almighty Tyrant. Coincidentally, S&G just happened to be the home of his lecherous lush of a nephew, Lot. Abe was able to shame God into a begrudged concession, which only spared Lot and his two luscious, and fertile daughters. Lot’s contrary wife took one last look at her home town and was reduced to a pillar of salt. S&G, and the surrounding country side, was reduced to ash.

Then God decided to test Abe, to see if the old guy was willing to slit the throat of his favorite son, Isaac (or Ishmael). Abe showed God that he was willing to murder his own child, if that was what God wanted. Yahweh changed His mind at the last minute, and settled for a pseudo-pagan animal sacrifice, instead of a human sacrifice. That was awfully big of Him.

Was God getting back at Abe for daring to question His divine authority? God's little test ended up killing Sarah. The old gal couldn't take any more. I guess the moral of this tale of woe is: When God’s in a killing mood, don’t question His reasoning. Just shut up and get out of His way.

But what about the fetuses? Do the unborn have a right to life? Does God even give a damn? The Bible says no.

When Tamar was told, 'Look, your father-in-law is going up to Timnah for the shearing of his sheep,' she changed out of her widow's clothes, wrapping a veil around her to disguise herself, and sat down at the entrance to Enaim, which is on the way to Timnah...

Judah, seeing her, took her for a prostitute, since her face was veiled. Going up to her on the road, he said, 'Here, let me sleep with you.'

He did not know that she was his daughter-in-law.

'What will you give me for sleeping with you?' she asked.

'I will send you a kid from the flock,' he said.

'Agreed, if you give me a pledge until you send it,' she replied.

'What pledge shall I give you?' he asked.

'Your seal and cord and the staff you are holding,' she replied.

He gave them to her and slept with her, and she conceived by him.
GENESIS 38:13-18
(II KINGS 23:4-7)

About three months later, Judah was told, 'Your daughter-in-law has played the harlot; furthermore, she is pregnant as a result of her misconduct.'

'Bring her out,' Judah ordered, 'and let her be burnt alive!'

Fortunately, Tamar was able to prove that Judah was the father of her fetus. She was pronounced, virtuous, and her life, and the life of her fetus were spared a fiery death. Another abortion avoided through planned parenthood. Tamar was a smart woman. She became the matriarch of the bloodline that spawned David, Solomon, and perhaps even Jesus. Tamar is spoken of favorably in the Good Book. The fact remains: they were willing to burn her alive, even though she was three months pregnant! What's really odd is that burning someone alive was the punishment for witchcraft, not adultery! (See my 3 part series on hookers, homosexuality, and pagan practices in the Bible.)

Moses addressed the issue of pre-born human life from the mountain top. This is how much Yahweh valued fetuses:

If people, when brawling, hurt a pregnant woman and she suffers a miscarriage, but no further harm is done, the person responsible will pay compensation as fixed by the woman's master, paying as much as the judges decide.

If further harm is done, however, you will award life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stroke for stroke.
EXODUS 21:22,23

If the mother survived the miscarriage, then the death of her unborn child was reduced to a misdemeanor. The person who caused the abortion owed the "husband" (KJV), or "master" (NJB) a fine. Compensation for the loss of property.

If the mother had died because of the miscarriage, then the crime would be murder (of an adult), and the person responsible for the miscarriage that led to the woman's death would be put to death by divine law. But only for her death. Not her fetus'.
A fetus was a non-person, as far as God and Moses were concerned.

So kill all the male children and kill all the women who have ever slept with a man; but spare the lives of the young girls who have never slept with a man, and keep them for yourselves.
NUMBERS 31:17,18

Samaria will pay the penalty for having rebelled against her God. They will fall by the sword, their little children will be dashed to pieces and their pregnant women disemboweled.
HOSEA 14:1

God killed the first infant son of David and Bathsheba, to punish them for their adultery, and the murder of Bathsheba's former husband, Uriah (II SAMUEL 12:13,14). Shades of the final plague of Exodus. Kill the children to punish the sinning adults. Suffer the children indeed!

Later God decided to become a mortal man, so He could sacrifice Himself to Himself in order to grant all Christians a heavenly pardon for the sin of freewill. I guess God wanted to experiment with masochism for a change. God’s little experiment is said to have caused Herod to order that all boy children of the region, two-years-old, and under, be murdered in an attempt to kill the future sacrificial lamb of God: JC (Matthew 2:16). Shades of the Moses nativity tale, with Herod standing in for Pharaoh. The same old story. Old habits die hard. And some habits are murder.

JC was born the avatar of Yahweh. His destiny was to suffer and die, so he could expunge all of the sins of the world yet to be committed. But only for Christians that pray for forgiveness often enough, and in the right way (see your local witch doctor for details!).

JC's tragic end, and dubious resurrection, have helped to ease the guilt of guys like Torquemada, Hitler, the Son Of Sam, BTK, and too many other fanatical sadists to name here. Christians get to pray their crimes away, because of JC’s suffering on their behalf. This artificial coping system, where they can reset their moral odometer, has made many recidivists believe that they can just go and sin again, and again, and again. It's inspired countless splinter cults, like the Branch Davidians, the People’s Temple, the Manson Family, ect., ect. It’s been used to justify crusades and inquisitions, and countless other crimes. And God became His own son, so He could sacrifice Himself to Himself, for this? He sure didn’t do it to ease the suffering of humanity. Not even for the innocent children.

Here's what JC has to say on the subject:

But Jesus turned to them and said, 'Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep rather for yourselves and for your children. For look, the days are surely coming when people will say, Blessed are those who are barren, the wombs that have never borne children, the breasts that have never suckled!'
LUKE 23:28,29
(Also in LUKE 21:23 -- MATTHEW 24:19)

And finally, a quote from the King James version. For the poetry:

O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be that rewarded thee as thou hast served us. Happy shall he be that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
PSALM 137:8,9

For more divine abortions check out:
DEUTERONOMY 2:34,35, 20:16,17
JOSHUA 6:21, 10:28-40, 11:11-14
JUDGES 21:10,11
I SAMUEL 15:3, 22:19, 27:9-11
II KINGS 8:12, 15:16
ISAIAH 13:15-18

Hope I didn’t miss any.

I think I’ve made my point. Mein Kampf is more fetus friendly than the Good Book. Pro-lifers, find a better book. Read it some time, and you'll see what I mean.

Open your mind and your heart will follow.


Monday, October 5, 2009

HANGMAN -- by Richard C. Speaks

The grave they dug is shallow
And the carpenters are through
Soon they'll drag you to the gallows
Where the hangman waits for you

You took another life
Though you knew it was a sin
Well, they found your bloody knife
So they know you did him in

Your heart is racing madly
Outside the crowd begins to grow
Yes, you've lived your life quite badly
The sheriff says, "It's time to go"

Then the floor drops out beneath you
And you die without a sound
The law has made you pay your dues
Later on they'll cut you down

Your body's swinging with the wind
In a town you never knew
A snapping rope was your fitting end
Fool! The hangman laughs at you!


"You're Going Straight to Hell" by Betty Bowers

Friday, September 25, 2009

The Twelve Steps of S. K. A. (Serial Killers Anonymous) -- by Richard C. Speaks

1. We have admitted to ourselves that murder is shameful, and wrong.

2. We have accepted the fact that we are not, and have never been, a higher power. We are murderers. Nothing more.

3. We have accepted responsibility for all the harm we've caused others through our selfish and immoral actions.

4. We must control ourselves, but we are weak. We need help.

5. We have searched within for the reasons to why we are driven to commit atrocity after atrocity. Knowledge is power. Know thyself.

6. We have decided to be honest with ourselves and the group. Anything said at an SKA meeting, or to an SKA sponsor, is strictly confidential.

7. You must never reveal the existence, or location of the SKA meeting place.

8. You must report to your sponsor, or to the mentor of the group, anything that might become a possible threat to the existence of SKA and to its membership. Day or night. Let's not take any unnecessary risks!

9. The SKA meeting place is neutral territory. Violence will not be tolerated.

10. To err is human, and relapse is a part of recovery. Just because you've acted out again doesn't mean that you should stop trying to stop. Call your sponsor before you lose control. Let SKA help you.

11. Keeping trophies only feeds your lust for violence. They can also incriminate you. Get rid of them.

12. Clean and sober helps to keep the demons away. Unless you're on meds.

Drawing by Robert Graysmith

The 12 Steps of S. K. A. comes from my screenplay, and novel in progress, ANONYMOUS. My script can be found collecting dust on TRIGGERSTREET.COM.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

What's Up With Sodom? -- by Richard C. Speaks

God's Homophobia part 3 of 3

The Sodom and Gomorrah (S&G) story has been used to condemn homosexuals, and even to justify intolerance and persecution by the just and faithful followers of Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Jesus, and his followers, down through the ages. Those detested towns, S&G, have been used as a metaphor to denounce idolatry, sorcery, and sex in the Bible so often that I won't even bother to quote them all.

Did this tale of terror really happen? Is it really about what we've been told it's about, or has the meaning been overwhelmed by the very idea of a drunken mob attempting to gang bang a couple of angels?

To get to the heart of the matter I've decided to do a line by line comparison with the doublet of the S&G story found in the book of Judges. The story of Gibeah of Benjamin is separated by five Mosaic books, and nearly a thousand years of pseudo-history. Both stories read like some super scary prison shower scene.

The Gibeah story is devoid of angels and miracles, but contains many uncanny similarities. The tale of a traveling holy man, with his man servant and concubine, being threatened with gang rape by a drunk and horny mob in a strange town at sundown, and the fiery destruction that followed. Is this one hell of a coincidence, or is this the retelling of the same story, set in different time periods? Both books were probably written after the fall of Babylon by the resettled Hebrews, who were trying to salvage their cultural identity. The mention of domesticated camels in Genesis is a telling clue, as camels weren't domesticated until much later than the age depicted.

Predating and postdating events and stories is still a common practice. Think Romeo and Juliet vs The West Side Story, or the modernized Leonardo DeCaprio film. Think the original Scarface vs the brilliant DePalma remake, or New Jack City. I'm sure you can come up with many other examples yourself, dear reader. George Washinton never chopped down a cherry tree, because the Chinese hadn't planted them in America yet. You get my point.

This story was probably retold so many times that it became distorted, morphing into two separate fables, and winding up in the Bible twice. Perhaps there was an inciting incident. Maybe it was just an ancient version of an urban legend. Who can honestly say?

You be the judge.


When the two angels reached Sodom in the evening, Lot was sitting at the gate of Sodom. As soon as Lot saw them, he stood up to greet them, and bowed to the ground. 'My lords,' he said, "Please come down to your servant's house to stay the night and wash your feet. Then you can make an early start on your journey." "No," they said, "We shall spend the night in the square." But he pressed them so much that they went home with him and entered his house. He prepared a meal for them, baking unleavened bread, and they had supper.
GENESIS 19:1-3

As they approached Gibeah in Benjamin, the sun was setting. So they turned that way to spend the night in Gibeah. Once inside, the Levite sat down in the town square, but no one offered to take them in for the night. Eventually, an old man came along at nightfall from his work in the fields. He too was from the highlands of Ephraim, although he was living in Gibeah; the people of the place,however, were Benjaminites. Looking up, he saw the traveler in the town square. "Where are you going?" said the old man, "And where have you come from?" "We are on our way", the other replied, "From Bethlehem in Judah to a place deep in the highlands of Ephraim. I have been to Bethlehem Judah and now I am going home, but no one has offered to take me into his house, although we have straw and provender for our donkeys, and I also have bread and wine for myself, and this maid servant and the young man who is traveling with your servant; we are short of nothing." "Welcome," said the old man, "I shall see that you have all you want. You cannot spend the night in the square." So he took him into his house and gave the donkeys provender. The travelers washed their feet, then ate and drank.
JUDGES 19:14-21


They had not gone to bed when the house was surrounded by the townspeople, the men of Sodom both young and old, all the people without exception. Calling out to Lot they said, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Send them out to us so that we can have intercourse with them."
GENESIS 19:4,5

While they were enjoying themselves, some townsmen, scoundrels, came crowding round the house; they battered on the door and said to the old man, master of the house, 'Send out the man who went into your house, we should like to have intercourse with him!"
JUDGES 19:22


Lot came out to them at the door and, having shut the door behind him, said, "Please, brothers, do not be wicked. Look, I have two daughters who are virgins. I am ready to send them out to you, for you to treat as you please, but do nothing to these men since they are now under the protection of my roof."
GENESIS 19:6-8

The master of the house went out to them and said, "No, brothers, please, do not be so wicked. Since this man is now under my roof, do not commit such an infamy. Here is my daughter; she is a virgin; I shall bring her out to you. Ill-treat her, do what you please with her, but do not commit such an infamy against this man."
JUDGES 19:23,24


But they retorted, 'Stand back! This fellow came here as a foreigner, and now he wants to play the judge. Now we shall treat you worse than them.' Then they forced Lot back and moved forward to break down the door. But the men reached out, pulled Lot back into the house with them, and shut the door. And they dazzled those who were at the door of the house, one and all, with a blinding light, so that they could not find the doorway.
GENESIS 19:9-11

But the men would not listen to him. So the Levite took hold of his concubine and brought her out to them. They had intercourse with her and ill-treated her all night till morning; when dawn was breaking they let her go. At daybreak the girl came and fell on the threshold of her husbands host, and she stayed there until it was light.
JUDGES 19:26


When dawn broke the angels urged Lot on, 'To your feet! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away in the punishment of the city."

In the morning her husband got up and, opening the door of the house, was going to continue his journey when he saw the woman, his concubine, lying at the door of the house with her hands on the threshold. 'Get up', he said, 'we must leave!' There was no answer. He then loaded her on his donkey and began the journey home. Having reached his house, he took his knife, took hold of his concubine and cut her, limb by limb, into twelve pieces; he then sent her throughout the territory of Israel. He gave instructions to his messengers, 'This is what you are to say to all the Israelites, "Has anything like this been done since the day when the Israelites came out of Egypt until today?" Take this to heart, discuss it; then give your verdict."
JUDGES 19:27-30


Then Yahweh rained down on Sodom and Gomorrah brimstone and fire of his own sending. He overthrew those cities and the whole plain, with all the people living there.
GENESIS 19:24,25

Yahweh defeated Benjamin before Israel and that day the Israelites killed 25,100 men of Benjamin, all of them trained swordsmen.
JUDGES 20:35

But the signal, a column of smoke, began to rise from the town, and the Benjamites looking back saw the whole town going up in flames to the sky. The Israelites then turned about, and the Benjaminites were seized with terror, for they saw that disaster had struck them.
JUDGES 20:41


A Levite priest may not be an angel, but he would be sacred, especially in the time before Israel had a king. God's wrath, in Judges, was carried out through bloody civil war, and the end result was much the same as in Genesis: fiery destruction, and infamy.

Were these ghastly tales merely about God's hatred for male homosexuals? That's an over-simplification for the lovers of hate to exploit. I think these Bible stories were really about disloyalty to Yahweh, and the blatant disregard for the custom of offering hospitality to travelers. A big deal in days of old. A cautionary tale meant to scare the flock away from pagan practices. Beware of the customs of any strange town you may visit. Stay true to the faith that frightens you most. Backsliders make Yahweh angry. All kinds. 

Pagans spilled sperm on their altars. The Yawehists spilled blood. That's why sex became taboo. Fornication was the new Original Sin. Original Sin was originally Adam & Eve's disobeying God and attaining the knowledge of wrongness. To the Yahwehists, this knowledge was the reason why sexuality had become a bad thing. Carnal knowledge. The pagans loved their Earth Mother. The Yahwehists feared their vengeful god. Yawweh was a bully and a major hater. The pagans celebrated sex. The conquors deemed it a shameful thing.

He (God) condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah by reducing them to ashes as a warning to future sinners; but rescued Lot, an upright man who had been sickened by the debauched way in which these vile people behaved -- for that upright man, living among them, was outraged in his upright soul by the crimes that he saw and heard every day. All this shows that the Lord is well able to rescue the good from their trials, and hold the wicked for punishment until the Day of Judgment, especially those who follow the desires of their corrupt human nature and have no respect for the Lord's authority.
2 PETER 2:6-10

They have become deeply corrupt as in the days of Gibeah; He will remember their guilt, He will punish their sins.

What if the Levite had picked the wrong night to visit Gibeah, or S&G? The night some ceremony to some pagan fertility goddess was being celebrated. All were expected to attend to assure a successful harvest. Declining to attend would be unthinkable. But the Hebrews were a peculiar people. The townsfolk were probably roaring drunk by then, and highly pissed off that some snooty foreigners were blowing the ceremony, and risking the town's prosperity. They probably did come calling. Demanding that the hold-outs come and join the fun, or move on. I can see that. When in Rome, or S&G, do as they do.

They probably could've picked their partner, if they hadn't been too uptight to join in the festivities. All they were asking for was a small contribution of seminal fluid for the common good of the community. The Levite threw his concubine (sex slave) to the wolves instead. That was his contribution. Too bad for her.

Lot escaped to the hills with his two daughters before the war broke out, got stinking drunk and knocked them both up in a cave. It was all their fault anyway, as reported in Genesis. They made the poor man get drunk and horny! Lot turned out to be an upright fellow after all. At least his pecker was upright long enough to do the dirty deed with his daughters. What a wonderful roll model!

This was just too good a tale not to retell, but it was much easier for the ancient Hebrew scribes to use Canaanites in this cautionary fable about pagan rapists, than to rehash the shameful behavior of their own kindred. Maybe that's why the S&G version was the popular one. Racism appears to be the only sin left out of the Good Book. That, and slavery. I'm such a damned nit-picker!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Holy Hookers & Sacred Sodomy -- by Richard C. Speaks

God's Homophobia part 2 of 3

Linking the religious intolerance for homosexuals and prostitutes down through the ages to the pagan fertility cults of old may seem like quite a leap to most of you, but the Bible has already made that connection for us. All I've got to do is let the Bible prove my point for me. The three no-no's all sprung from the age-old struggle of the monotheists to irradicate their greatest competitor: the fertility cults. See for yourself.

I shall not punish your daughters for playing the whore, nor your daughters-in-law for committing adultery, when the men themselves are wandering off with whores and offering sacrifice with sacred prostitutes...
HOSEA 4:14

There must be no sacred prostitute among the women of Israel, and no sacred prostitutes among the men of Israel.

Ceremonial prostitutes were nearly ubiquitous throughout the Fertile Crescent. They were highly regarded among the fertility cults of old, and nice to have around when you're horny.

In the epic of Gilgamesh, a temple prostitute, Shamhat, was commissioned by the king to seduce the beast-man, Enkidu. She estranged him from the animals, and made a man out of him. New girlfriend. Old friends must go. Same old story. Enkidu and Gilgamesh became inseparable later on. Hmmm...? The patriarch Jacob slept with his own daughter-in-law, Tamar, mistaking her for a pagan prostitute. The authors of the gospels have suggested that Mary of Magdala may have been a ceremonial prostitute, before JC came along, and turned her around. But that's another tale for another time.

This sacred vocation was not gender specific. There were professional sperm-spillers to suite the tastes of every male worshiper in the community. The point of this was to symbolically re-impregnate Mother Earth, and to appease the other god, or gods of that town.

Quite a few Hebrews worshipped Yahweh and other gods at the same time. Finally God had to lay down the law:

Moses turned and came down the mountain with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, tablets inscribed on both sides,inscribed on the front and on the back. The tablets were the work of God, and the writing on them was God’s writing, engraved on the tablets. When Joshua heard the noise of the people shouting, he said to Moses, ’There is the sound of battle in the camp!’ But he replied: ’No song of victory is this sound, no lament for defeat this sound; but answering choruses I hear!’ And there, as he approached the camp, he saw the (golden) calf and the groups dancing. Moses blazed with anger. He threw down the tablets he was holding, shattering them at the foot of the mountain. He seized the calf they had made and burned it, grinding it into powder which he scattered on the water, and made the Israelites drink.
EXODUS 32:15-20

The first time Moses climbed the mountain to receive the tablets of Testimony from God, the things God was preoccupied with were'nt so anal. They were mostly ceremonial instructions and such. Moses broke the first tablets of the law in a pique at the foot of God's Mountain. The second time up the mountain was very different. The LAW was revised.

The Hebrews had relapsed to pagan ways in Moses' absence, with the cooperation of Aaron, his brother, the high priest. After that Moses became an obsessive-compulsive control freak about clean and unclean conduct. Sort'a like Howard Hughs and his germs. Fornication became the new Original Sin. Yaweh became a jealous god. Nothing connected to fertility cult practices was to be tolerated. Sex was for procreation only -- not for worship, not for ritual, not even for mutual enjoyment. Sex became a shameful thing.

You shall have no other gods to rival me. You shall not make yourself a craved image or any likeness of anything in heaven above or earth beneath or in the waters under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them. For I, Yahweh your God, am a jealous God...
EXODUS 20:3-5

Yahweh's chosen people were frequent backsliders, as you can see.

They had built themselves high places, and had set up pillars and sacred poles on every high hill and under every spreading tree. There were even male sacred prostitutes in the country. He (King Rehoboam) copied all the shameful practices of the nations whom Yahweh had dispossessed for the Israelites.
I KINGS 14:23,24

Sacred poles and pillars were obviously phallic symbols. KJV calls the ceremonial male prostitutes, the Sodomites. That's why I'm quoting from the New Jerusalem Bible, which is more accurate and easy to understand.

Asa did what Yahweh regards as right, as his ancestor David had done. He drove the male prostitutes out of the country and got rid of all the idols which his ancestors had made.
I KINGS 15:11,12

He pulled down the house of the sacred male prostitutes which was in the Temple of Yahweh and where the women wove veils for Asherah.
II KINGS 23:4-7

Tamar put a veil over her face to disguise herself as a sacred hooker, so that she could trick Judah into knocking her up (GENESIS 38:13-18). The reason for the wearing of veils was to make the sex act less personal, and more symbolic. A possible origin for the term: "Bag that face, so we can get it on!" -- or something like that.

The Temple was filled with revelling and debauchery by the gentiles, who took their pleasure with prostitutes and had intercourse with women in the sacred precincts, introducing other indecencies besides.

Mark, then, what I command you today. I am going to drive out the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites and the Jebusites before you. Take care you make no pact with the inhabitants of the country which you are about to enter, or they will prove a snare in your community. You will tear down their altars, smash their cultic stones and cut down their sacred poles, for you will worship no other god, since Yahweh’s name is the Jealous One; He is a jealous God. Make no pact with the inhabitants of the country or, when they prostitute themselves to their own gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you and you will partake of their sacrifice, and then you will choose wives for your sons from among their daughters, and their daughters, prostituting themselves to their own gods, will induce your sons to prostitute themselves to their gods. You will not cast metal gods for yourself.
EXODUS 34:11-17

The man who has intercourse with a man in the same way as with a woman: they have done a hateful thing together; they will be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

You will not follow the laws of the nations whom I am driving out before you; they practice all these things, which is why I detested them.

I'm not sure what JC's position on this issue was. He was far more concerned with religious hypocrisy among the higher ups. I believe his was a political mission. More on that later.

The writers of the epistles echo the OT's sentiments: Fags are the devil! They must die for being the way they are. God detests gay men. Being a gay Christian makes about as much sense to me as being a Jewish Nazi. Talk about being your own worst enemy!

This black sheep infidel says: What the hell? Be a gay Christian if that floats your boat. Ignore all the verses that bother you. Try and have it both ways. After all, you're forgiven. Right? Who knows? Yahweh might've been misquoted again. Better not spill any sperm though. Just to be on the safe side. Even a wet dream can make a guy unclean all day! (LEVITICUS 15:16,17) 

Mrs. Betty Bowers explains the Bible-based marriage:

Friday, August 28, 2009

Blessed Are The Lesbians -- by Richard C. Speaks

God's Homophobia part 1 of 3

This shameful prop. 8 business (where my home state, thanks to religious bigotry, voted in favor of discrimination) has got me thinking. And that can be a dangerous thing! Why all the hate? Whatever happened to live and let live?

I remember when all the Fundies were gleefully proclaiming that the AIDS virus was God's divine retribution against homosexuals for being the way they are. I always got a kick out of pointing out to these heavenly haters that: "God must love the lesbians, because they're less likely to catch it. They don't play: 'You pitch -- I catch!' They ain't catching anything! Get it?" They'd usually counter with: "Well, God hates them too!" Does He? I wonder....

I find that women doing women bothers guys a lot less than men doing men. Most of us find women doing women pretty cool. You can even find pictures of women doing women in the pages of Playboy, the classiest of the skin mags. And nobody's complaining. Not even Hef. Almost every straight-sex porno ever made features women doing women somewhere. I checked.

I recently spotted a bumper sticker that read: "Yes, I'm a lesbian. No. You can't watch!" It's like she was reading my mind! Think about it. God's a guy. Right? He gets to see everything that's going on down here. Right? (Nudge. Nudge. Wink. Wink.) Maybe that's why God's always had such a hard-on for gay men. I guess God doesn't like what He's been seeing. Too bad He can't just change the channel if the action bothers Him. Maybe He isn't able to tune it out; being omniscient and all. A raw deal, if you ask me!

The OT is silent on the subject of lesbianism. A holy loophole? It's got plenty to say about men doing men, and none of it is very nice. Men doing men pisses God off big-time!

You will not allow any of your children to be sacrificed to Molech, thus profaning the name of your God. I am Yahweh. You will not have intercourse with a man as you would with a woman. This is a hateful thing. You will not have intercourse with any kind of animal; you would become unclean by doing so. Nor will a woman offer herself to an animal, to have intercourse with it. This would be a violation of nature. Do not make yourselves unclean by any of these practices, for it was by such things that the nations, that I am driving out before you,made themselves unclean. The country has become unclean; hence I am about to punish it for its guilt, and the country itself will vomit out its inhabitants.
LEVITICUS 18:21-25

This would have been a great opportunity for God to bitch out the lesbians, but He neglects to mention them. An oversight, or a divine exemption from on high?

The Epistles make some mention of female perversion, but only in a general sense. Which could mean many other sexual activities besides lesbianism (Several of which come to my dirty mind right now, but let's not go there). Paul's wording is just too vague (as usual), in my not so humble opinion. But Paul was quite specific in regards to male homosexuality.

While they claimed to be wise, in fact they were growing so stupid that they exchanged the glory of the immortal God for an imitation, for the image of a mortal human being, or of birds, or animals, or crawling things. That is why God abandoned them in their inmost cravings to filthy practices of dishonoring their own bodies -- because they exchanged God's truth for a lie and have worshipped and served the creature instead of the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

That is why God abandoned them to degrading passions: why their women have exchanged natural intercourse for unnatural practices; and the men, in a similar fashion, too, giving up normal relations with women, are consumed with passion for each other, men doing shameful things with men and receiving in themselves due reward for their perversion.
ROMANS 1:26,27

I guess all the lesbians of the world can heave a sigh of relief. You're off the heavenly hook, sisters! Women doing women is cool with God, the authors of the Bible, and most men (myself included).

As for you gay guys out there -- bummer, dudes! God's down on you. The Bible tells me so.

And why is that? It's because of the ancient pagan fertility cults of that region; where homosexuality between men, prostitution, orgies, masturbation, music, dancing, and intoxicating libations were all a part of the festivities. And it was all looked upon with reverence among the neighboring nations.

God's chosen people were an uptight island of prudes, surrounded by a sea of pagan passion. The Israelites were often seduced away from the stodgy monotheism of Yahweh/Jehovah. They were probably hedging their bets. That's why the Bible authors called all such practices an abomination. They were losing business!

You spent quite long enough in the past living the sort of life that gentiles choose to live, behaving in a debauched way, giving way to your passions, drinking to excess, having wild parties and drunken orgies and sacrilegiously worshipping false gods.

Want to know what all this fuss is really about? It's about sperm. The ancients believed that a man's seed created babies, and that the womb was nothing more than a nifty incubator. Spilling one's seed upon the ground, or in any manner unrelated to procreation, was a grave sin, akin to infanticide, according to Levitical Law. It was also akin to paganism, which was a threat to the priests of Yahweh.

Among the pagans, such an act would be deemed a special offering to the Earth Mother. Jacking off was the Pharaoh's sacred duty, to usher in the annual flooding of the Nile. He was symbolically knocking up Mother Earth. Yahweh says, ‘That’s my job!’ Hands off yourselves, men! It's a dirty evil sin, deserving of death! It will also damage your optic nerves, and give you hairy palms! Scary shit, friends!

Monty Python said it best: “Every sperm is sacred! Every sperm is great! If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate!”

Judah took a wife for his first born, Er, and her name was Tamar. But Er, Judah’s first born, offended Yahweh, and Yahweh killed him. Then Judah said to Onan, ‘Take your brother’s wife, and do your duty as her brother-in-law, to maintain your brother’s line.’ But Onan, knowing that the line would not count as his, spilt his seed on the ground every time he slept with his brother’s wife, to avoid providing offspring for his brother. What he did was offensive to Yahweh, who killed him too.
GENESIS 38:6-10

Onan sounded like a selfish prick to me. Tamar should'a put the punk in a scissor-lock until he screamed, and gave up the baby-batter. More on Tamar to come. Pun intended.

I imagine most harem masters of old were tolerant of any girl on girl action going on amongst the concubines. It probably made harem-life more entertaining, and smoothed out a lot of friction.

No seed was wasted. No sin was committed. Matter closed. But the spilling of seed in a non-reproduction-oriented manner equals witchcraft in the eyes of jealous Yahweh. Looks like we’re all a bunch of filthy pagans in one way or another! And we didn’t even know it!

My apologies to any practicing pagans, homosexuals, and hookers out there. Lez be friends!


If you haven't seen Monty Python's "Every Sperm Is Sacred" musical number here's your chance. A true classic!